Leading Total War: Warhammer 3's peasants to victory with an irresponsible number of trebuchets (French for 'very bucket')

As a faction, the spot of Total War: Warhammer 3's Bretonnia lies successful their knightly calvary. The peasant infantry is fundamentally conscionable determination to squishily clasp the force successful spot for charges. However, I'm feeling revolutionary today, truthful we're staging a serf uprising. Let's spot however agelong we last. Pretty elemental rules here, then. No knights. No horses. Conquer the entirety of Bretonnia. Defeat each equine I spot successful one-on-one combat.

We were successful a atrocious way. Rats to the south. Goblins to the east. A dwindling stockpile of golden reserves. Worst of all, the woman of the water herself had shunned us, stripping america of her blessing for nary different crushed than the cheeky spot of cowardly retreating we'd done from Masif Orcal. No appreciation for self-preservation tactics, that one.

No appreciation for our brave refusal to autoresolve, either. Chivalry? More similar chiver-me, arsenic successful shiver maine timbers I privation I'd conscionable played Vampire Coast again alternatively of being stuck with these garbage peasants for the afloat run. No matter. Our noble ngo to liberate the onshore from horses indispensable continue. You tin pb each equine successful Bretonnia to water, but we won't get fooled by each equine successful Bretonnia again. Because we're going to execution them.

The program was to clasp up safely astatine Castle Carcassonne for a spell portion we physique up our military, which was going fine. Well, even. An particularly chipper peasant commented that we we're "really backmost successful the saddle", and portion it was heartening to spot specified an betterment successful morale, we did unluckily person to execute him for utilizing a banned equine simile. With truthful overmuch of our roster unavailable, we settled connected gathering a anserine quantity of trebuchets, arsenic good arsenic filling retired a secondary service with much disposable chaff. Sorry, sorry. Stalwart revolutionary proletariat. To propulsion into the nutrient grinder.

We were conscionable finalising plans to caput backmost to Masif Orcal, erstwhile stinky Ikkit Claw raised his Ikkit paw and opened his Ikkit maw to state Ikkit war, which was conscionable the benignant of Ikkit bawbagerry we didn't person clip for conscionable now. After a fewer turns waiting astir successful ambush to effort and outrat the rats, we had to marque a decision. We needed to combat thing due to the fact that our wealth was moving retired fast, and we weren't beardown capable to divided our forces. Back to Masif Orcal it was. We promoted the castle janitor to skipper of the garrison, talented him a coin connected a spot of drawstring with 'anti-nuke amulet. Very magic bash not sell.' carved into it, and buggered off.

Image credit: Rock Paper Shotgun/Creative Assembly

The gobbos were retired successful force, though they'd arranged their armies successful specified a mode truthful that the archetypal fractional of the conflict was conscionable against a azygous warboss. We chucked tons of rocks astatine him for a bit, which was precise comic but besides a monolithic discarded of bully rocks, truthful we decided to hold until the remainder of the goblins showed up.

Image credit: Rock Paper Shotgun/Creative Assembly

And amusement up they did. Plus immoderate trolls. Plus a giant. Plus astir 50 pump wagons. In our favour, we had the trebuchets and respective 100 archers, protected by a wide of destitute nutrient shields who were each promised a hearty trough of lightly salted gruel if they survived, and an unfastened sedate filled with ripe manure if they didn't.

A opus successful their hearts and a imagination of afloat bellies successful their bare heads, the frontline held retired amazingly good against the fewer trolls that made it done our arrow volleys, aided by heals from the Fey and Liora Hoofsbane. I took enactment astatine this constituent of the archers shouting 'loose' alternatively of 'fire', which I'm definite volition marque astatine slightest 3 nerds precise blessed but did small to reassure maine erstwhile the pumpwagons started piling successful and broke done to the trebuchets.

Image credit: Creative Assembly/Rock Paper Shotgun.

Fortunately, we'd kept immoderate infantry successful reserve. Pitchforks bash small against pumpwagons, but you tin gum up their wheels existent bully if you support sending waves of starving farmers straight astatine them. The trebuchets were freed up agelong capable to plaything the conflict successful our favour, and we pulled through. "We'll devour similar horses contiguous lads," cheered the caput trebuchet engineer, who was commended connected his exemplary show and heroism successful battle, past swifty executed for utilizing a banned equine simile. Masif Orcal fell successful abbreviated order. The sensation of triumph inactive saccharine connected our tongues, we began to see the logistics of making a ample capable quantity of food to person the rats to permission america alone. And also, maybe, to assistance america execution our chap Bretonnians...