Quartero, Dota 2’s new dealer of free hats, is a nice chap who surely won’t kill me and sell my skin

The existent treasure was the person we made unsocial successful the woods

Valve, possibly recently wary of fiscal transactions aft being enactment implicit a tube by Steam’s outgo processors, person elected to springiness distant a clump of Dota 2 cosmetics for escaped – and are employing the kindliest, decidedly non-murderiest of fellas to grip the goods. Sharply dressed satyr Quartero was added to Dotes yesterday alongside the 7.39d equilibrium update, and present that he’s stuffed a Witch Doctor bauble into my hands for nothing, I tin safely accidental that the chances of my burgled assemblage being recovered down the remains of his hastily abandoned store are almost zero.

Just look astatine him, the scamp. Could a aggregate homicidist flash a winning grin similar that? I stake helium couldn’t adjacent fell much than 3 oregon 4 of his favourite stabbing knives wrong that tailoring. There’s conscionable thing astir him that makes you privation to shingle his hand, and consciousness the leathery tegument that lone a beingness of hard, honorable foundation enactment – surely not implicit 400 unsolved cases of strangling deaths – could produce.

Image credit: Rock Paper Shotgun/Valve

I’m little convinced by Valve’s reasoning for hosting Quartero beforehand and centre of Dota’s redesigned dashboard, which tin beryllium paraphrased arsenic "Losers don’t privation to spot stats for the past clip they lost, here’s a heap of escaped worldly instead." Which sounds lovely, but a cursory look astatine Big Q’s presumption and conditions reveals that the cosmetics indispensable successful information beryllium earned though completing matches, with wins successful some modular and Turbo Mode games netting much goodie-unlocking XP than losses. Staying offline and rolling implicit Easy bots doesn’t count, either. I tried.

In different words, it’s a conflict walk successful disguise, and 1 I fishy is successful spot for reasons little to bash with redeeming your blushes each clip you log backmost connected aft a loss, and much astir encouraging you to play much Dota. Quartero, you cad! Ah, who americium I kidding, I can’t enactment huffy astatine that face. Of people you tin marque it up to maine by cutting the identifying labels retired of my apparel and starring maine into this disused mine.