Somebody has turned a daft English cheese rolling festival into an even dafter free Steam game

Amid the madness of Gamescom, we someway skipped the astir important crippled of the year. Cheese Rolling is simply a multiplayer ragdoll crippled inspired by the past Gloucestershire, England pastime of racing a hunk of dairy down a hill.

The elevation successful question is Cooper's Hill astatine Brockworth, and the ceremonial seemingly dates backmost to astatine slightest 1826 - providing you spot the relationship of that year's Gloucester municipality crier - which makes the athletics of food rolling astatine slightest 47 years older than Rock Paper Shotgun. The food successful question is usually Double Gloucester - scandalously, they resorted to a foam replica successful 2013 - and is fixed a strict one-second headstart.

I hadn't heard of Cheese Racing before, but I bash person relatives down Gloucestershire way, and present I fearfulness for them. I'm not conscionable saying that due to the fact that I'm vegan, though yes, I'm tempted to spell sabotage the festivities by stealing into what I presume is simply a closely-guarded structure astatine night, and replacing the instrumentality with a ample shot of tempeh. But mostly I americium acrophobic for their carnal information and motivation wellbeing.

Apparently, 4 kilograms of food tin bash a royal fuckload of harm erstwhile it achieves maximum velocity. 16 radical were injured during the 1993 event, says Wikipedia, "four of them seriously". What. Also, Wikipedia claims that nobody has ever caught the cheese, astatine slightest successful recorded history. The victor is whoever crosses the finishing enactment second. So this is conscionable a regular aged race, successful practice, with a wholly unnecessary and patently unsafe fermented beverage modifier.

The authoritative rubric for the lawsuit is "Cheese-Rolling and Wake", and portion section historians importune they don't mean "wake" arsenic successful "funeral", you bash person to wonderment if this is the distorted people representation of a unspeakable mishap astatine a hilltop dairy. Kind of similar however "London's burning, London's burning" is present a charming nursery rhyme.

I'm going to interaction the organisers and suggest they play the Steam mentation of Cheese Racing instead. Created by mercurial developer The Interviewed - their precise sanction a brainlocking allusion to a past of media relations that does not, seemingly, beryllium - it's much unsafe than accepted Gloucestershire cheese-rolling successful that it features an progressive volcano, but little unsafe successful that it is not real. No bones volition beryllium breached hounding this cheese, unless you effort to play it portion driving a bus. Also, it supports 8 subordinate sessions and proximity dependable chat. There's immoderate paid DLC successful the signifier of a suit of armour costing £1.48 - arsenic acold arsenic I tin deduce, this isn't immoderate benignant of scam, but tread cautiously, ye who fell foul of the evil Banana.

The existent selling point, though, is that you tin really drawback the renegade curd successful this one. My friends successful Gloucestershire: acknowledgment to the occurrence of modern technology, you request nary longer harm and humiliate yourselves successful your hunger for dairy. Here is simply a computer. Behold, determination is food successful the computer! Now each you person to bash is rotation the food down the elevation - nary wait, not the ACTUAL COMPUTER